The Crystal Maze Pub Crawl is a pub crawl in London based on the classic game show The Crystal Maze. Inspired by the format, it consists of:
- 3 pubs in the Industrial Zone (Battersea)
- 3 pubs in the Mediaeval Zone (City of London)
- 3 pubs in the Oceanic Zone (Maritime Greenwich)
- 3 pubs in the Futuristic Zone (Docklands)
- 1 pub overlooking the Crystal (Millennium) Dome.
History
This crawl was designed as a lighter, more pleasant alternative to the ambitious and ill-fated Alphabet Pub Crawl. This crawl includes only 13 pubs as opposed to the 26 of the ABC or the Monopoly Pub Crawl. However, the pubs have been chosen carefully for high quality (rather than just their initial letter). The additional time will hopefully provide time for sightseeing, leisurely food-eating and photography. It also takes us through some nice areas of London.
Pub recommendations came from friends, CAMRA's Good Beer Guide 2010 and the AA Pub Guide 2011. The map includes many pubs considered but rejected from this first draft. Pub ratings from BITE are used to colour the pins, but I put very little stock in those ratings.
The metaphor
I am Richard O'Brien in this metaphor, since I devised/intend to host the crawl and I also have no hair. People who join me will select a team captain and vice-captain. I have not yet figured out Skill, Mental or Mystery challenges, although Physical challenges are invariably "down your drink" and anybody "locked in" is obviously forbidden from drinking at later pubs until the captain pays a crystal to buy them back. All that is really happening is that by moving through the earlier pubs more quickly, they acquire more time "in the Crystal Dome" i.e. at the final pub.
Yes, the use of both the Industrial and Oceanic Zones is anachronistic, since the two never coexisted on the show; the Oceanic Zone actually replaced the Industrial Zone after the first three series. However, I needed four Zones, and the only other Zone in all six series was the Aztec Zone. If you can find three decent pubs in London that are Aztec-themed or in an Aztecky location, reasonably close to one another, good luck to you.
Route
This route has not been tested or timed.
Industrial Zone (Battersea)
Start some time after noon at Queenstown Road Railway Station in Battersea. Whether or not you have lunch beforehand is up to you. It should be possible to get a rough lunch at at least one of the first three establishments, but we're not sure yet. You should start after noon because these pubs mostly don't start serving alcohol until then.
Head left, under the rail bridge, and down Queenstown Road for about a quarter of a mile until you reach:
The Victoria
Head back the way you came, past Queenstown Road Railway Station, staying on the right-hand side of the road. Go right at the big junction along Battersea Park Road and under the bridge. On the right, you will see:
The Masons Arms
Continue in the same direction along Battersea Park Road, staying on the right-hand side of the road, with the iconic Battersea Power Station coming up on your left. On your right, once you have crossed the bridge over the railway, you will eventually reach:
The Duchess
The Duchess has a view of the Power Station.
To get to the next Zone you need to get to Chancery Lane Tube station, on the Central line. I haven't figured out this link yet but it looks like a minimum of two changes by train. Battersea Park railway station is back in the direction you just came. Perhaps join the Tube at Victoria?
Mediaeval Zone (City of London)
Pubs actually dating back to the Middle Ages (500 to 1500 AD) are quite thin on the ground thanks to the Great Fire Of London of 1666, but there are pubs with a heritage going back that far. These pubs are pretty sure things. From Chancery Lane station, head west along High Holborn. On the right, you will find:
Cittie of Yorke
Carry on along High Holborn in the same direction and turn left at Chancery Lane. Follow this down and turn right when you reach Carey Street. On the right you will find:
The Seven Stars
Go back the way you came along Carey Street and turn right, continuing in the same direction down Chancery Lane. You will reach Fleet Street, where you should turn left. Carry on until you hit New Bridge Street. Turn right (south, towards the river). Stay on the left side of the road until you come around a gentle bend and see, on the corner:
The Blackfriar
The next link is the longest. Blackfriars Pier is nearby, but unfortunately it is only served on Mondays to Fridays at peak periods. So, you will need to cross Blackfriars Bridge and go left (east) until you reach Bankside Pier. Here, you will be getting on a River Bus headed east to Greenwich Pier. Boats are every 20 minutes in the afternoon and the journey takes 27 minutes apparently. While time-consuming, it should be sunny and scenic.
Oceanic Zone (Maritime Greenwich)
Head south from the pier. Take a nice look at the Cutty Sark. There are probably signs towards Cutty Sark DLR station. Follow them, but it's been a while since your last drink, so stop on your left (no Street View for this one):
Gipsy Moth
Head along Greenwich Church Street to the south. Keep going until you see Royal Hill on your left and go that way. Carry on in this direction and you will come across two great pubs next door to one another:
The Greenwich Union and Richard I
Pick one. And only one! You can visit both if you wish but you have one more pub in the Oceanic Zone still to go. Go back up Royal Hill, left at Circus Street, right at Greenwich South Street, and left at the big interchange with Greenwich High Road. Walk down the road for a while (notice the shortcut through to Greenwich DLR station on your right as you go):
The North Pole Bar & Restaurant
By now it is probably late enough that it's time to have dinner, and this is the ideal place! Finally for this Zone, return to Greenwich DLR station and head north, getting off at Canary Wharf DLR station.
Futuristic Zone (Docklands)
"Good" pubs in the Docklands are extremely thin on the ground, but at this stage in the crawl you are probably not too fussed about high quality drinking experiences. The Docklands is more about the amazing scenery than anything else, so just enjoy the lights. It should be pretty dark by now.
The Docklands are pretty vertical and difficult to navigate using Google Maps but here's my best guess. Try to emerge from the west exit from Canary Wharf DLR station, following the South Colonnade towards Cabot Square. Turn left here and follow the side of the tall curved white building (with the building on the left and the dock on your right) to:
The Henry Addington
Carry on along the side of the white building and cross the water (underneath the DLR) to find its mirror-image twin so that you can keep going. Here you'll find:
All Bar One
and
The Slug And Lettuce
...both of which sit directly underneath 1 Canada Square, the tallest building in the United Kingdom. Finally, continue to follow the white building's side until you are at the bottom of 1 Canada Square and head right, along South Colonnade again. Continue to head in this direction (east). It's difficult to tell even from StreetView but there is hopefully a foot route almost directly east to reach the road named Harbour Quay, which runs south, meets West India Millwall Dock, bends east alongside it, then meets Preston's Road, which runs up the east bank of the Isle of Dogs. When you reach Preston's Road just cross straight over and go through the pedestrianised barrier...
The Crystal (Millennium) Dome
...And straight on to reach:
The Gun
This is the best pub in the Docklands and it has a view of the Millennium Dome over the river. You are here until the end.
Discussion (1)
2011-03-29 15:20:03 by LD:
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