Like Data Connection, IBM, Goldman Sachs, Microsoft, M&G, Detica, Credit Suisse, Centrica, Barclays Capital, DE Shaw Group and KPMG before them, Ericsson have declined to offer me a job.
So let me tell you where that puts me.
I'm coming up to two years out of university now.
That university was the University of Cambridge. I studied mathematics. I got a 2:1.
You'd think all routes would be open to you, with a degree like that, wouldn't you? I mean, how many mathematics degrees are there in the world which would rank higher? A first from the same university, and what else? I am not stupid. I have exceptional A-levels and more academic qualifications besides. I'm smart, articulate, well-organised, creative, methodical, logical, I learn really really fast, I can work in a team (though seriously, who on the whole green Earth can not work in a team? Who on the planet is actually bad at taking or distributing orders?)
I could do any job you put in front of me. It doesn't matter what skills you need. I can learn. Just train me. No training? Give me six weeks, I'll teach myself Java. I can learn in a vacuum. I know C, PHP, (X)HTML, CSS - all self-taught. This whole website was put together from scratch. I am a good person. I am open-minded, I think the best of people, I am friendly and approachable and helpful.
And I'm so so so good at maths.
So why won't anybody hire me?
Here's why.
Studying maths at Cambridge is a solitary affair. You do it on your own, in your room or in the library. And, while there is a hefty computing project element, that project is solo too and it is wholly mathematical in nature. You are not taught to use a computer. You are thrown C libraries and a horrifically counterintuitive compiler from the 1980s, and expected to have enough wits to learn how to program, from scratch, all on your own.
I never worked in a team. I never led a team. I was never called upon to write, plan or give a presentation of any kind. I was never taught anything about programming. And, because the programming aspect was wholly mathematical, I have recently come to discover that I have actually learned very little about programming.
And, if you want to software engineering, that leaves you with NOTHING. Because you have no experience. You have no qualifications to engineer software. You just have maths. Which, if you don't know your way around PowerPoint is WORTH NOTHING.
My degree is worthless.
I want to be geeky and smart for a living - IBM/Microsoft/Google/Ericsson would be ideal. Failing that, maybe quantitative financial analysis work would be okay too, though I'd prefer to settle for less money if it meant less stress, which is why I'm not going into teaching (less money, more stress).
I could DO these jobs. I honestly believe there are no jobs I've gone for which I really couldn't do. Give me a week to practice and I'll get really good at presentations. Give me a chance, and I'd really prove myself.
But I can't prove myself in the interview. An Oxbridge degree gets me to the table - sometimes - but I can't cite any evidence of these skills I know full well I have. All I have is mathematics, and even that is slipping away from me bit by bit as I toil away at soul-crushingly tedious admin monkey jobs.
I STUDIED FOR THREE YEARS AND CAME OUT WITH NOTHING.
DON'T MAKE THIS MISTAKE.
Do NOT NOT NOT apply to study maths at Cambridge unless you are very certain of one of two things:
- You are absolutely definitely going to use very large amounts of difficult mathematics in your future career, OR
- You have the extracurricular experience and pre-existing self-taught practical skills that are necessary to get any job at all afterwards.
You'll come out the other end after three years tottering under the weight of a tonne of raw, unprocessed mathematical knowledge. But, unless you take matters into your own hands, that's all. You'll have the maths, and what you brought with you when you arrived, and NOTHING ELSE.
All I want to do is work. I can do wonderful things if they'll just let me. Why won't they?
:(
Meanwhile
So let me tell you where that puts me.
I'm coming up to two years out of university now.
I am slaving away at the lonely coal face of a low-level administrative job which could be adequately performed by a centipede. I book venues and facilitators and catering for people much smarter than I am so that they can become smarter still. I suffer the rampant incompetence of the National Health Service at every turn and have to be the public face of this incompetence to the trainee doctors when I explain to them that no, we have no further places on any of the courses that it is mandatory for you to take before X date, no, we have no other dates than the one we just announced is taking place three weeks from now, even though we know you need six weeks' notice to attend. No, there is no more flipchart paper available. Yes, I forgot to send out the information about that particular course. Automatons forget things sometimes, especially when they have ceased to care about their job. Yes, I can fix this spreadsheet. No, sorting a column of data isn't magic.
No, this cool automatically calculated MTAS summary spreadsheet which I created for you isn't the sort of thing I'd like to be doing as a career. This stuff is trivial to me, do you understand? Do you understand the level I'd prefer to be working at here? How low I've sunk?
I don't sleep properly; in fact, I haven't for a very long time. It feels like I'm living on a 25-hour day; like I have to get up an hour early every morning. I sleep both ways on the bus. I'm 23 years old and I still have acne and I'm already going bald. I feel like I'm forgetting how to communicate with normal people because I don't like anybody I work with and have almost no contact with the nicer people who I don't work with. I have plenty of friends, and none of them live anywhere near me anymore.
I'm dying in here. My mind is going. I can feel it.
Help
:(
